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In the Wait

God's plan is the best, sometimes it is just hard to see

You’re Here

Sweet Elle,

You’re here. You made it. You’ve actually been here for a little bit. And to be honest, I’ve been writing this for a long time. It’s just taken your momma a little longer for her heart to form words. Not for any reason in particular, just simply because for nine months I didn’t have to share you with anyone and now I do. Sure, we’ve shared your story for years, but now it’s real. It’s only been little over a month, but I don’t even know what we did before you…except dream about you. Your daddy and I are so thankful we don’t have to spend another month without you.

Not to anyone’s surprise you made it here, and only with a few little hiccups along the way. I want to share your birth story with you. Not that I’ll ever forget that day, but there will come a day when I don’t get to hold your little seven pound self and feel all the feels that I felt that day. For the last month I’ve tried to soak up every snuggle with you because far too many people have told me that babies don’t keep. So I want you to know that your birth will forever be my greatest accomplishment and my most favorite memory that will always keep.

Sweet girl, momma carried you for a long thirty-eight weeks. And during that time, it was just me and you. Just like any expecting mom, there were good days and there were hard days. But after being monitored closely by the best doctor and nurses, we decided to induce to get you here as soon as possible. My body did not respond as we hoped (go figure) and we opted for a c-section. The c-section to get you here was so perfect. Your daddy and I were so excited and so nervous. Inside the operating room they were playing our song for you, singing you happy birthday, and taking the best care of me. Before we knew it, you were here… crying the sweetest cry and looking just like me.

Momma and daddy got to love on you together. We got to look at your little face with all your sweet little features. We counted your fingers and your toes and were in awe of those two little dimples. We got to hold you close and not share you with anyone for the sweetest hour. I remember not being able to fully grasp that this was real life. You were here.

This is when I saw your daddy turn into a daddy. And this is the moment I knew my heart was finally complete. Your daddy has been his best self since he saw you. Forever ingrained in my heart is what he looked like seeing you for the first time. He has loved you in a way that brings me to tears. A way that I always want you to be loved.

Shortly after you were here, mommy didn’t feel too well. But don’t worry, there was an army of nurses and doctors by my side while you were being snuggled by so many friends and family, friends and family who prayed and prayed for your arrival. The same prayers that got you here, helped mommy feel better too.

I hope you always believe in the power of prayer. I hope you always know God performs miracles, big and small. And that God has angels here on Earth. I know, because they surrounded your momma all day and night. After feeling a great deal of pain, and the pain medicines not working like we hoped my doctor knew we had to do something else.

To most, this lady right here is their doctor but to me she’s my hero… although her humble heart will never admit it. God put her in the right place at the RIGHT time. Within moments of being in my room, my blood pressure plummeted. After getting me to come to, she called a RAPID throughout the hospital and assembled a team of doctors and nurses to take the best care of me. And they did just that. She knew things weren’t making sense and we went back in for an emergency surgery where they found momma had been bleeding. Nothing related to my previous surgery and or any previous IVF treatments. It was just my body’s reaction and God’s plan. Again, He was reminding me that He’s always with me.

Why me I thought shortly after? But now, I think why not me? God had been preparing our strength and our story for this very moment and now every time I look at you I know I wouldn’t change a thing. Yet again, we had to have faith in our Heavenly Father. And sissy, we have a lot of faith… that’s ultimately what got you here in the first place. I’m so thankful He is our ultimate healer and works through the hands of doctors like ours. Your momma’s doctor saved her life, so I could spend the rest of it with you. And since your delivery we add in an extra prayer, “God is good, God is great. Thank you for Dr. Martin. Amen. ”

To top off our week’s long stay, momma got pneumonia and your bilirubin numbers spiked which caused us to stay just a little longer. In the scheme of things, these little hurdles were nothing compared to what other Mommas and babies are facing around the world. So each night we said extra prayers for those facing harder times than us. The extra time in the hospital allowed us to learn a little more about taking care of a newborn, but it mostly taught us about the selfless love and dedication each doctor and nurse poured into us on an hourly basis. And for them, we will forever be thankful.

A month later and I’m still crying the sweetest of tears. But not strictly because I’m a hormonal mess, exhausted, or a new mom, but because when I look at you I get a rush of emotions. You are no longer a figment of my imagination, a distant dream, or a constant prayer… you are here.

I’ve waited a long time to love you like I do,

Momma

I think it’s safe to say that you’ll be your daddy’s girl, living in your momma’s world.

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You’re almost Here

Elle Kathryn,

It is officially your month. You’re almost here little girl. You will be making your arrival so soon and it’s so surreal. To be honest, there was a time when your dad and I felt like we’d already been pregnant for years. Just because our journey to you was a little longer than expected. But honestly, there isn’t a day that I think about the length of our journey anymore. I’ve heard Mommas say over and over “in His time” or “His timing is perfect” and almost being on the other side… I get it.

For the last almost 9 months, we’ve been living a dream. A dream that so many want. And why it was finally our turn, I’ll never know. But what I do know is your purpose here. Your purpose gives me hope. And I pray every time someone sees you or hears your story, you give them hope too. You see, I needed to read stories and see other promised babies to get you here too. I am so thankful for families who shared their journeys. God is so good.

As we get closer to you, I am a hot mess. Thinking about you makes me cry the sweetest tears. Will you look like your daddy? Will you be scatterbrained like your momma? Will you love like Jesus? All I know is, I can’t wait to meet you and will love every ounce of you.

We’re set to meet you in about 25 days, but if you want to come a little sooner I won’t complain. Although I’ve loved growing you in my belly… pregnancy isn’t for the weak. Being pregnant has made me want to hug every momma’s neck a little harder. I’ll miss your little moves and kicks, but I won’t miss the swell. Haha. What I do know, is that I would do this over and over again for you.

We’re all packed. We are just waiting on you. I can’t promise to be the perfect momma, but I can promise to be the best momma for you.

Waiting on your arrival,

Momma

Momma, this one’s for you

Momma,

This one’s for you. It’s for the pain you felt for so long and also for the joy you’ve felt now for so long too. It’s for you and for any other momma who has had to brave Mother’s Day with a broken heart. It’s a strength you had to find from deep in your heart, but I’m so thankful you continued to be faithful in your Wait.

All day today, I couldn’t help but think about the thirteen years you waited to celebrate today. I couldn’t help but think about the hurt you felt not getting a flower on Mother’s Day at church. And I couldn’t help but think about all the prayers you must have prayed. I honestly don’t know how you did it. But what I do know, is that it made you the best mom for Jeni and me.

And although I hate to say it, I’m so thankful for those thirteen years, or else I wouldn’t be here. Some other lucky little one would be living this simple yet perfect life you’ve given me. All those years of hurting on Mother’s Day made you the absolute best. All those years of hurting allowed you to love us in a way you might not have loved us before. I also believe your wait was preparing your heart to help me with mine. And I thank God every day for that.

Momma, I pray your story gives hope to so many. I pray that all Mommas in the wait look at your journey and turn to God and his plan. I pray they see your beauty, inside and out and believe in miracles. Because of you and your faith, all my dreams of becoming a momma like you… are now coming true.

I hope Elle see’s you in me. I hope she knows how loved she is because you never fail to tell me. I hope she’s strong, brave, and courageous… because I’ll tell her that all comes from you. And I hope she loves Jesus, because that’s what you taught me to do.

I didn’t have to wait near as long as you, mom. I didn’t have to skip as many Mother’s Day church services and or crowds either. But I did experience a smidge of the pain this day can bring to one that’s yearning for their own. Today was bitter sweet. Today I woke up with a joy in my heart, but such a pain for others. So I’m choosing to celebrate every type of momma: the ones who have, the ones who have lost, and the ones who still wait… because that’s what you taught me to do too.

Happy Mother’s Day, momma. I am who I am because of you.

Thank you for waiting on us,

Katie

I’m Going to Miss Him

I’m going to miss him. But yet, I’m so excited to see the new him. A him that I’ve been waiting to see for years now. I guess I shouldn’t say the “new him” because all of my favorite qualities about him will continue to be the same, but then grow in a way I can’t even imagine yet. Of all people, he knows change scares me. Being a mom does not, and seeing him as a dad certainly doesn’t. But losing us, makes me a little nervous. He’s my most favorite person and I feel my safest when I’m with him.

For years, it’s just been me and him… well, of course our two fur pups too. We’ve done so much together. And over the last almost seven years of our relationship, I’ve loved every minute. Don’t worry, I’m not forgetting the difficult days. The days when it was hard for him to like me, but he continued to love me. The days when I let my emotions and fear drive me to a whole new me, but he stood beside me anyway. And the days I spent in tears and fears that where we are now felt like so far away. I know he will only continue to love me and our little girl the same over the next chapter of our lives too.

I’m going to miss the spur of the moment trips we make and countless date nights to our favorite places. But I hope our relationship has prepared both of our hearts for what’s to come. And although our hearts hurt for years, I wouldn’t trade them for anything and today I’m thankful for them. I’m thankful for the foundation it set for our family, and I’m thankful they allowed me to have him all to myself for so long.

Dating my husband and being his wife has been my greatest joy, and some parts of me are sad to share him. Honestly, I feel so guilty actually saying that out loud. I feel so guilty because this is something that we both have wanted, prayed for, and fought for… but I never knew these emotions would ever arise. So I’m vowing to myself to soak up every minute with him until our sweet little girl gets here. Because that is when I’ll get to meet the “new him”, that might just be the “best him”.

What I do know, is that I’m going to love him in a whole new way. A way that I’ve prayed for for what seems like forever. A way that I see all my friends love their husbands. I also know that Elle is going to be so lucky, and I wouldn’t want to share her with anyone else but him. She already has a daddy that does so much for her and loves her so big. And honestly, I love seeing his heart grow. So maybe sharing him won’t be so bad after all…

I’m so thankful to have a husband I’m not quite ready to share, but even more thankful to be sharing him with our greatest joy.

Selfishly waiting for a few more months,

Katie

Your First Letter

Sweet Elle Kathryn,

Never in a million years did I think I was going to get to be your mommy. Don’t get me wrong, I always believed I’d be here one day, writing to my child… but I honestly never thought it would be you.

You see, your momma tried to be a planner. For about two years she tried to run the show. But clearly that show never aired and it never brought me to you. During that time, I prayed. And I prayed hard. But I still tried to control God’s ultimate plan to the best of my ability without really even realizing it. But for the last year of our three year journey, this journey that is bringing us to you, I resigned. I finally realized that our God is a much better planner than me. With the help of so many family, friends, and prayer warriors, we chose to put Faith in this Wait of ours… and goodness, what a story you are to us.

To be frank, I thought you were a boy. Matter of fact, I “knew” you were a boy. I even told your precious doctor and nurses that I was 150% sure I would be a boy mom. I had bought boy clothes, picked out a nursery, referred to you as “he”, and everything in between. Clearly I was “planning” for a bit. But there was really no rhyme or reason to my belief other than a WHOLE LOT of science, or so I thought. And there’s no telling how many times God got a good kick over my foolishness. And yet again, God showed me who’s in control with making you my best surprise ever. I hope you always know that his plan is much better than ours. You little girl, you are proof of that.

With all they being said, I never ever wished for a boy or a girl. I wished for a baby. A healthy baby. A baby of my own and a baby to prove to this uncooperative body of mine that God is good. But if you want to know the truth, you’ve been in my dreams forever. I’ve known your name for years and years, and when I think about you now I think there is no way I could love you anymore.

(Your Lolli, Mimi, Daddy, and MeMe are so ready for you too💗)

But do let me confess, the idea of having a little girl had always made me nervous since being on this journey. Not because of the frill, drama, or boys, but because I never wanted her to know the pain I (and thousands of other Mommas) have felt. Although it’s a pain I’d never take back now, it was still such a difficult season of life. I didn’t know if I could watch someone that I love so much hurt. But you know what, I think that was God’s plan all along. Today and every day forward He is teaching me my strength, and that no matter what battle we face in your sweet lifetime, momma’s got it. And I have no choice but to be strong and support you. And before I knew you were you, I said a special prayer each night for your little organs. I prayed and still pray that however and whenever…you get to feel a love just like this.

Right now, God’s plan couldn’t seem any better. You’ll have two cousins waiting on you that you will get to explore life with, and so many friends and extended family born close in age that will make this life so much sweeter. God has allowed your momma and daddy’s hearts to know a new strength and love and He’s preparing us to be the best we can be for you. Sister, loving you is going to be my most favorite thing yet.

Waiting on you,

Momma

Baby Kirkland

Dear Baby Kirkland

I can’t believe you’re here. I can’t believe you’re mine. Don’t get me wrong, I always knew you’d make your way to me. I’ve had full faith that I would become your momma, but I never expected it to feel like this. This feeling I’m experiencing makes me want to hug every Mommas neck a little harder, and it makes me want to buy from every little baby ad that pops up. I wouldn’t wish this journey on anyone, but I’m so glad it was ours.

You see, you’re daddy and I met you on November 7th. We transferred you and another sweet embryo. When we found out we were pregnant I couldn’t help but to wonder if it was just you in there or if I would be carrying two. I honestly had no clue. I can’t help but to think now that the other little embryo helped you get here. He or she blocked you in so you could get nice and cozy. And when I think about the how that might have happened or the decision we had to make to get you here I get emotional. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think we’d have to make a choice like that, but we did. We prayed really hard and we went with what God put in our hearts, and I’m so glad we did. I know my life with you will consist of many other difficult decisions. I pray that we always follow God’s lead. And I pray you do the same too.

I also want you to know that we waited with so much faith. At first it was a little rocky. My heart just hurt. But there were so many people along the way that inspired us, cheered us on, and helped get you here. Some days were easier than others. But we wouldn’t be here without support. You’re momma needed help. I swallowed my pride, dropped my chin, and asked for prayers. Not just for us, but for all the other Mommas and daddies on our same journey. And look where it led us, it led us right to you. I know for a fact that I will ask for help for the rest of your life when it comes to raising you. And I’m not one bit ashamed. I pray my faith will always shine for you, no matter what curveballs life throws our way. And I pray your faith moves mountains one day too.

I wish I could describe the way I felt when I heard your first little heartbeat. It honestly took my breathe away. It’s a sound I turn to when days are bad or worries appear. With the beating of your heart I see God’s promises. Sharing the news of you was such a joy. But I couldn’t help but to hurt for others. The same hurt I’ve known oh so well. I pray your journey here is not a journey in vain, but a journey that gives hope. I had to read a lot of other momma’s journeys to keep me going, and the strength they had to press on helped me keep going. I pray God uses our story to inspire and not cause pain. And I pray you grow up living out your story and doing the exact same too.

I want you to know we never gave up. And when I say “we” I mean your dad and me, all of our family and friends, our doctors and nurses, and all the prayer warriors who lifted you up each night. We never gave up our faith and hope in God’s promises. There were times when we thought we were so close to you, but God had other plans. I would wait a hundred more moons for you. I would continue to walk this journey for miles and miles, as long as it led me right here to you. You sweet baby, are already so loved and already give hope to so many. You are simply all we’ve ever wanted. I pray we are all you’ll ever want too.

Waiting to hold you,

Momma

Changes

Today we started everything all over again. And although we are familiar with this journey, I’ve prayed and prayed for it to be different, but somethings will always stay the same… the fear, the nerves, the pain, the tears, the appointments, the side effects, the love, the support, our trust in the Lord, and all the sweet prayers. Regardless if these constant variables are good or bad, they are apart of our journey to parenthood. So I have no choice but to put on my big girl pants (which are now 2 sizes bigger) and deal.

As for the changes I’ve prayed for, I’m sure you can guess them all. Right now, I’m narrowing it down to one. One big umbrella prayer, is that cheating??? Surely not, but I pray that this October brings the greatest change yet. That it becomes a month of my body responding the best it can, the strongest embryos to date, and the last October we “physically” spend in the infertility world. I’m well aware that these changes are out of our control no matter what type of weird fruits I eat, vitamins I take, and or how much pink or blue I wear… but it’s all in God’s control and for that we are thankful.

With that being said, we honestly tried to start this round a little differently. We tried to make a few changes on our own, you know just some manual changes that don’t overstep God’s hand in this journey… So, we parked on the opposite side of the parking lot than usual. We usually sit by the window, but today we found a new seat close to the front. I “emptied” my bladder in the furthest bathroom instead of the closest. And I switched seats with Skylar in front of the doctor’s desk. How’s that for some change? See, this is change that we can control. Change that probably will have zero effect on our outcome, but makes this little superstitious soul sleep a little better (I may or may not have inherited that little quirk from my dad). God understands, and I’m sure he thinks I’m funny.

As I sit here, I can’t help but to think about all the other changes that have happened in the last few years. And all those changes have led us right back here {again}. Today, I can’t fully tell you the purpose in those changes, and nor do these changes make sense in my little brain just yet. But one day I will and one day they will. And what a day of rejoicing that will be.

The month of October has been a month of change for us over the last three years. It has been a month that has brought us both excitement and sadness. What we thought would bring us the best and biggest change was in October 16th, 2016, the day we found out we were pregnant. It was the day all felt right in the world. The day I realized what it felt like to love something so much and so new. Something that I’ve never met and or even touched. But something that made me feel whole. A whole that I can’t wait to feel again someday. That month…that day… will ALWAYS be one of my most favorite days. But the heartbreak of that miscarriage really changed my heart. And not for the better. For about eight months after our miscarriage I was in my lowest of lows. My demeanor had changed, my smile had changed, and my heart was slowly becoming so bitter but trying to be strong at the same time. I didn’t like this change. I didn’t like how I had reached my highest of highs, just to feel my worst pain. But I knew I had to keep pushing on if I ever wanted to feel that “whole” feeling again.

With a lot of tears, medicine, and treatment during the following year we decided to make another change. On October 11, 2017 we started our first attempt at IVF. Man, we were SO excited. For as many books and articles as I read, I was still so naive to the fact that there was still a possibility that we wouldn’t result in becoming actual parents. We just knew it was going to be our time though.We just knew we were right where we needed to be. But goodness, that sure changed. Again we felt defeated and heartbroken.

And today, on October 16th, 2018 (same day as our first positive pregnancy test) we started our new round of IVF in high hopes to bring a baby into this world again. Sitting there today, I actually {felt} changed. I felt stronger. I felt seasoned and heard. I felt blessed with the opportunity to do this again. And I felt the power of prayer— and let me tell you, if you’ve never truly experienced the power of prayer, just wait. It’s the coolest feeling. It’s seriously a feeling of peace and clarity walking hand in hand with you as you face moments that once surrounded you with fear and anxiety. Now, this journey is tough so I’m not saying the fear and anxiety of this round won’t creep up now and then… but to start this round without it was the sweetest change.

With all that being said, seasons of change are hard. And I know there are millions of people facing changes much more difficult than ours…So if you know someone going through change, big or small, pray for them. Don’t just tell them you will, actually do it. If you need it, tell me. Because I promise you I will and I have a pretty precious army of pray warriors that will pray for you too. He tells us to come to Him, to lay it all at His feet…. and my gift of gab is good at doing just that.

All of our lab work came back great. All of our medicines are in. And all our trust is in Him. May He show us a change like never before.

Let’s do this round #3!

Waiting for change,

Katie

**edited to add** Faith in the Wait shirts are on now on Batch #3! This order will be open for the next 17 days! ALL proceeds go to Lullaby of Hope!

https://www.bonfire.com/help-give-faith-to-those-in-the-wait/

Adults – blue and grey Kids- navy

Thirty

Well it happened. The clock struck midnight and on the 6th of September and I turned a year older. I couldn’t stop the time from ticking. I couldn’t slow the seconds down. And I surely couldn’t go back in time. Therefore it happened. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think thirty is old. I just thought thirty would look different than it did when I looked in the mirror that morning. And that’s what stung a little bit.

I had a hard time falling asleep on my birthday eve. I had this gust of anxiety enter my body. I tossed and turned thinking “why me? This is not what thirty is suppose to look like for me. Honestly, I fell into the pool of self pity. Here I am with tears quietly falling because the one goal I had for myself by thirty didn’t happen. Meanwhile other thirty year old’s goals consist of adding another baby to the mix, advancing in careers, traveling the world, getting back into tip top shape, and or welcoming their first blessing. But no, not me. Here I am begging for one while feeling so uncomfortable in my own skin due to physical changes that I can’t quite control.

I honestly thought I’d forget my birthday by this point. I just figured I’d be so engrossed in my own littles. I thought I’d be rushing out the door on my thirtieth carrying diaper bags and car seats. But instead I leisurely made my favorite coffee, straightened up the kitchen, and grabbed just my purse. I thought my body would have baby battle scars, but instead it doesn’t know who it is anymore. And I thought I would be giving “mommy” advice to all my other friends instead of not being able to contribute much to those types of conversations.

Poor me, right? I mean, it must be horrible to have lived thirty years. To have been surrounded these thirty years by friends and family who have loved me unconditionally. To have steered clear of any life threatening diseases and or accidents. To have a roof over my head, food in the pantry, a job that gives me a purpose in life, and a husband that loves me through my ADD and constantly forgetting to turn off every light. Yeah, this life seems so miserable huh?

Silly me, because this is what thirty looked like...

The morning of my birthday was no different. I was probably cutting it close on time and rushed into the building, turned down our long hallway and immediately tears started falling. My sweet cohearts surprised me with a little door decor to celebrate. They knew this was a tough one for me and they never cease to make me feel so special and my feelings so validated. If you don’t work with people you love, I suggest you find a new job. Thirty looked so sweet.

Next, I saw this. My classroom was fully decorated by my sweet student’s parents. Needless to say, my students learned about happy tears that day because they never stopped flowing. Thirty looked so thoughtful.

And lastly, my sweet husband gathered all my favorite people under one roof to sing me happy birthday. He thought out every detail from the food, to the balloons, and the cake. I don’t know how I got so lucky in becoming his wife or why he chooses to love me the way he does, but he will always be my most favorite gift. He along with everyone there made thirty look so undeserving.

Now, I’m not sharing all this to boast and or brag, but to simply show how both the Devil and God work. The Devil clearly wasn’t invited to my party, but per usual he was trying to creep in. He wanted me to wake up and welcome year thirty with a grudge. He wanted me to live this year in misery because it wasn’t what I wanted it to look like. Can I still be sad at times? Yes. I’m human. But I can’t live there. And that’s when God shows up and shows out. He has used my family and friends to show me what thirty truly looks like: sweet, thoughtful, and undeserving.

So today, (and hopefully every day) I am choosing to love thirty… because I know without a doubt that these will be the best years of my life.

Thirty and waiting,

Katie

PS- For my birthday and for the next 12 days, I am selling Faith in the Wait shirts. ALL proceeds will go to Lullaby of Hope, a sweet ministry so close to my heart. Not only will this shirt help others in the Wait, but it will help to spread God love.

Asking. Searching. Knocking.

About an hour before our doctor’s appointment I came across this verse…

Keep asking and it will be given to you. Keep searching and you will find. Keep knocking and the door will be opened to you. For everyone that asks receives, and the one who searches finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be open.” Matthew 7:7

I’m sure you’ve heard or read it before too. Or heard parts of it quoted by family or friends when times were tough. I know I have. And sadly, I’m sure I’ve shrugged it off with a, “yeah, yeah. I know” response. But today I didn’t. I read it about five times in a row. And I couldn’t help but think God himself wrote it just for me. Just for today. Just when I needed to be reminded to keep going. Because asking, searching, and knocking are three things we’ve been doing for quite sometime now.

Today we asked a lot of questions. Today we searched for answers and new possibilities. And today we vowed to continue to keep knocking on any door that helps us become parents.

We came with all the information our Little brains and hearts have consumed over the last three years. I came with all the questions I (and others) could think of, all of our past medical history (even though they already have it), and a nervous heart. You’d think I’d be over the nerves by now. But honestly, constant heartache is tough. Yes, it does make us stronger. But three years ago I think I would have been absolutely fine never knowing this strength. And I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s only normal to be nervous, scared, and anxious while on this journey, as long as you can remain hopeful.

And hopeful is just what we are. I have to continue to tell myself these things, “My doctors are brilliant. My body is capable. And my God is so good.” —The last part I know, but it never hurts to keep saying— In the waiting room I repeated it over and over. Sadly, I was surrounded by about six other couples. I saw the fear in their eyes. Their heads hung low. And their hands squeezing one another. I wanted to tell them it would be okay. That we’ve been here before and to just hold on to hope. But I quite couldn’t follow it up with a story that has yet to have a happy ending. What I really wanted to do was start chanting it. Man, that would have been great. Can you picture it?A group of infertiles rallying together in the waiting room. But I knew Skylar would kill me. And I never would have done it anyway. But the thought brought a smile to my face and a few giggles. Next time should I bring signs just in case? Maybe to protest hope? Ha. And really, I didn’t want them to think three years of hormones turn you into the “crazy waiting room” lady. So I sat there, and prayed for them and for us instead. And I shared some smiles with this little cutie. Those eyes are everything…

If you’re reading this and asking, searching, and knocking are constantly on your agenda, you’re not alone. But I’m going to tell you what EVERY woman before me has said… “don’t stop”. I will march in hope around you and with you if you want me too. We aren’t stopping and neither are you. No matter the heart breaks and or obstacles that stand in our way. I refuse to stop.

As of today, we are gearing up for round 3 of IVF. To some it may seem rushed, to others it may not be soon enough.. but my heart is in a good place, I have Skylar holding my hand, a family who loves and supports us more than I can describe, friends who have faithfully cheered us on for a while now, and a God who told me today to keep asking, searching, and knocking. So why not? Now, there’s no date set in stone. My little heart wishes I could start tomorrow, but sadly finances and scheduling play a large role. It’s just part of this journey, but knowing we aren’t giving up will keep me going.

Our story is far from over, but one day it will have the best ending.

Hopefully Waiting,

Katie

so…guess I’ll keep playing pretend with this one for just a little longer… so embarrassing. Ha.

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